The Feeling of Meaninglessness

The Feeling of Meaninglessness

Artwork from a dear sister

      Time is frozen; Irrelevant.

     Words can't seem to bring themselves together to make meaning. Why should it matter anyway?

     Meaninglessness is not limited to the depressed and lazy. Meaninglessness can hit the most motivated and happy people you know. It can be for a few hours or weeks but it doesn't discriminate. All that is common between these moments of meaninglessness is that plaguing feeling of helplessness. Even if you know it's just for a few minutes, life becomes a blur and you lose sight of reality.

Dua - Supplication

Start with the 99 names of Allah

http://www.sufism.org/society/asma/

Etiquette for making dua:

http://theislamicworkplace.com/helpful-duas/

O Allah! You have taught and instilled the teachings of the Quran in our minds and our hearts before we were old enough to learn it. Make us one of those who give the Quran its full right and read it with precision and accuracy. Guide us to memorize, learn and teach the lessons of its Aayat. O Allah! Make the Quran blaze our path to guidance and to your jannah and make it our saviour and protector in times of need and on the day of judgement. Make its Aayat brighten us from within your creations, and make it what helps us pass your sirat. We ask that you not blind us from its teachings and make them come with ease inshallah. Ya Allah make us strong enough to never have satisfaction with any replacement.

Ya Allah! We call upon you, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful, to not let any sins not be erased,  any tension to not be released and do not allow for anything we owe to never be returned and for any sick to not be cured. Ya Allah! Do not allow any desire you approve and of which we have a benefit to, never come to us ya Allah ya raheem. You are the most merciful indeed.

O Allah! You are the one who saves whoever needs to be saved. The one not seen by eyes, not described by any thought, not changing by any event. O Allah, all praise to you for what you have made us, blessed us and guided us and saved us. We thank you for the blessing of Islam and the Quraan and for family, wealth and forgiveness. You are the one who purifies the hearts and mends souls together in heaven subhanAllah.

O Allah! You are who we thank for every blessing you have bestowed upon us in the past or future, in secret or public, in death or life.  All praise to you until you are satisfied and when you are satisfied.

reasons why you should start working on a note to leave behind when you die

    Only suicidal people do this right? Is it only suicidal people who can contemplate death? Why can't we use a simple note to deliver a message behind for our loved ones? Ever thought of how much power that note can hold? Suicide notes have the power to influence a whole nation to action and unfortunately in some cases, to provoke lifetime guilt. It can also be a sharp method of closure and conflict resolution. Allow me to explain:

     Your long time school friend who has been subject to countless bullying committed suicide. The family is devastated and hundreds, maybe thousands gather to honor his/her death. The school informs the students and takes a few moments in silence to commemorate this terrible tragedy and maybe mentions the harmful implications of bullying. Accounts on Facebook and other social media are opened and owners of these accounts put in full time and effort into managing them out of love for this individual. Everyone is emotionally driven by this tragic event, perhaps setting up an initiative in his/her name. His bullies are reminded by the world of how terrible they are, and they may be sent into long term depression as a result. There was also a suicide note left behind, solidifying the motivating factors behind the death and sending shocking waves of regret, remorse, guilt and perhaps solidarity.

Racist Things Your Fellow Muslims Say to Each Other

Racist Things Your Fellow Muslims Say to Each Other

   

     *Cringe*

     Oh, this is awkward...

     We're one big beautiful homogeneous ummah aren't we? Perhaps the word racism is much too strong. No Muslim is racist, right? We just have some dislikes for things is all.

     Sure, I mean you can choose to believe that being a Muslim is your one way ticket to Utopia whereby everyone is looked upon equally for their character before their race. But you mustn't deny that forming that rosy image in your mind is silence and complicity. Nothing is ever stationary, things are constantly happening around us. 

    Your silence is oppression.

     So, why do we deny racism in the Muslim community? 

     Perhaps it's because we wish to maintain the colonial mentality where only white folk can truly be racist against Muslims and the idea of shedding light on racism in Islam disperses us and makes us look weaker as an ummah. Or maybe we don't want to evaluate our racism in everyday life and put people we love in a negative light. Racist people in the past were labelled as Nazis among other things and no one wants to be grouped into that category. Or perhaps we're afraid of critical self-evaluation where our faults are exposed to the world and open to monopolization by mainstream forces and other Muslims around us. Or God forbid, the worst case scenario; we assume that our discrimination comes about as a natural product of one's race and has nothing to do with our perception.

Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems (Part 2)

Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems (Part 2)

6. How do I handle myself with him now that I'm engaged?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

     This really depends on your comfort zone and your engagement itself. So I can't impose the boundaries for you cause I'm not sure what you mean by engagement. However, it's important to know that this is the time for the both of you to truly get to know one another. So don't treat him like a stranger but don't forget he's not your brother either. Both of you need to begin challenging each other's thinking and to ask the tough questions which get you delving deeply into the way you each think of yourselves and the world. So focus on valuable conversation and skip the same old superficial matters. Questions that ask about the purpose of things he does and his opinion on the world around him reflect his outlook on life. You are looking for a father to your children, so it's important to get a good look into his character. On another note, the engagement is not marriage, so save the intimacy for later and be careful to maintain the necessary boundaries.

Your_Fairy_God_mother:

     Engagement is a time to get to know one another. Unless you are legally married, it is meant to be like a halal dating period, where you get to find out as much as you can about the person and their family, while maintaining Islamic boundaries at all times.

7. When is it time to speak with intimate matters with my fiance?

     Random Rants of a Muslima:

      I speak with nothing set in stone here, so just take some of this with a grain of salt and consult your own sources. Your fiance is considered a non-muhram in Islam until you are both married; this means you may speak only with a muhram present. So if you have something to tell your fiance before the wedding and you don't want others knowing, let him know to wait until you're both married and together to discuss these intimate matters and to ensure consent. That way he's aware not to make any assumptions on your behalf. As for when you marry, I believe that a mature and assertive woman should be able to state how she would like to be treated, especially with regards to the first time together. I say this because it's best that the expectations of both parties are known in order to avoid violating the other's comfort zone. If this is too difficult for you, then how can you act upon something you cannot speak of? If you don't express what you prefer, then what you prefer will be assumed by your partner, and you may not be on the same page. If you are shy, your silence is his permission according to the sunnah. Wa Allahu a'lam. 

It is related from Abu Hurayra that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "A previously married woman should not be married until she has been consulted. A virgin is not married until she is asked for her permission." They said, "Messenger of Allah, how does she give permission?" He replied, "It is when she is silent."

It is related that 'A'isha said, "Messenger of Allah, a virgin is shy!" He said, "Her consent is her silence."

Your_Fairy_God_mother:

     Once you have done your katb ktab, when you are legally married. (Shortly before the wedding) .

8. A guy who pursued my friend is now pursuing me. What do I do?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

    Hmm... just thinking about this question makes my head full of clashing arguments, so I'm going to say there is no clear answer. I'm trying to find some sources in the sunnah and I can't find any indication that this would be a prohibited matter, and it doesn't make sense for it to be, frankly. I can't elaborate further on the Islamic reference regarding this, so please consult your own sources.

    As for my personal opinion or approach to this situation, I would firstly consider what exactly constitutes this man's relationship with the woman before you. Because you wouldn't be asking this question if you did not have an inclination to this man, otherwise you would reject his proposal, which I am hoping it is just that and not an open-ended relationship. If this man pursued the woman in a halaal manner, then this is an indication that he may be true with his intentions towards you as well. It's a good idea to consult your friend to find this out and to see how she feels about this. What I find fascinating is men's obsession with the "bro code" and the phrase "bros before h*es" and Muslim men are not exempt from this practice. Some men choose not to pursue or consider a woman whom their friend found an interest in, so I'm not saying this is right or wrong, but that it's always up to you and what makes you feel comfortable.

Your_Fairy_God_mother:

    I have no idea. I'm curious to know what Random Rants thinks of this question.

9. I'm coming of age. How do I find my man?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

     This sounds like a funny question at first but has some serious dimensions to it. As human beings, we like to have control over things in our life. So much so, there is strong correlates between one's perceived level of control and happiness. However, as Muslims, we know that this is merely an illusion, and that control of all matters is first and foremost, a product of Allah's command and allowance. Here's a good source with verses and ahadeeth related to qadar(destiny). So all the good and bad that befalls you is written in the books with Allah. We've got to face the fact that there is no planning or persuading anyone to fall in love or marry another, and that if it happens then it is a result of guidance from Allah and not the product of any person's work. So instead of worrying about what you have no control over and risking to fall for fitna and other things that may sway you from the right path, just look towards Him. And if He happens to test you with no marriage in your future, then He tests you out of love and this is your jihad.

Narrated Abu Huraira; I said, "O Allah's Apostle! I am a young man and I am afraid that I may commit illegal sexual intercourse and I cannot afford to marry." He kept silent, and then repeated my question once again, but he kept silent. I said the same (for the third time) and he remained silent. Then repeated my question (for the fourth time), and only then the Prophet said, "O Abu Huraira! The pen has dried after writing what you are going to confront. So (it does not matter whether you) get yourself castrated or not." (Castration is forbidden in Islam)      Now for what you can do as a Muslimah; work on your character. Learn from the prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) on the best of manners and work towards his example. Your_Fairy_God_mother:

     Once you are sure you are ready, I would suggest having a serious conversation with your parents. Let them know you are now completely serious about finding a suitable life partner.

From there, inshaAllah you will be able to enlist their help and begin your journey. Through the help and guidance of your parents, you can look into the many different routes of finding a spouse; be it through mutual friends in the community, halal marriage websites, or maybe by getting your parents on board with someone you met at school or work.

10. He promises he'll marry me and I'm turning down proposals for him. Am I doing the right thing?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

     Oh man, that's a tough place to be in. But I'm not going to make things simple and rosy when they aren't, so forgive me ahead of time. A promise for marriage in Islam is the engagement itself, and in order for a marriage to be complete, one of the conditions is that the woman must not be engaged to anyone else. I'm guessing he hasn't approached your parents for approval, because if they approved of him then you are obligated to turn down other proposals until this engagement is settled and completed or broken off. That being said, his mingling with you and his promise is unacceptable and invalid. He should know this and shouldn't be obligating you to turn down these proposals. If you feel like you're turning down proposals for him and not for yourself then that's a problem. Although things seem to be in a perfect plan right now, continuing this secret relationship with this man may be clouding your vision for the future. Make no exceptions to your standards as a Muslim woman, regardless of what anyone tells you. Are we twisting our faith to suit others and ourselves or are we accepting and submissive to Allah's word?

Your_Fairy_God_mother:

     If you feel he is the one for you, is mature, realistic, has been met and approved by your family (maybe had an unwritten agreement), and is making a clear effort to stabilize himself financially and to settle down, then maybe you should consider it. Be careful and realistic though. His promise should soon begin to translate into action. If you feel he is slacking on his promise and seems to be very hesitant or unsure about it, you must have enough self-respect and common sense to know when to move on.

we'll make a part 2 to this post if we get requests to do so. You may post your question below anonymously and we'll try our best inshAllah.

Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems part 1

Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems

     Istaghfarallah. Boy problems?! We don't have such thing in Islam!

     How dare I write about something so provocative, right?

   If I wanted to write about things that hint vaguely at matters then I wouldn't have bothered to establish this blog in the first place. We've covered topics from marriage proposals to racism to other realities within our Muslim communities and we're not about to stop there. We're here to discuss those issues that others pretend don't exist. And this one is important and here's why:

    Our sisters are going through a crisis of control when it comes to "finding" their spouse. With individualism and value of personal independence rising for the Muslim woman, she slowly begins to harness control in her life matters and if I must say, does an awesome job at it. Us women succeed in many areas in the social and professional world when we try hard enough. Yet, when it comes to marriage, Muslim women are expected to "wait" for "him" to come. This frustrates many women and so they seek indirect ways of showing interest and getting the ball rolling. 

     Unfortunately, that doesn't always spell halal. This is ultimately a personal choice and it's not up to me to dictate to you, or women in general, as to how they should go about this process. What we will try to cover, however, is areas where we are either 1) compromising our basic principles and values in this quest to find "the man" or 2) reading into a man's intentions in a different manner than they were intended. And frankly, I am tired of healing my fellow sister's broken hearts. I'm sure we all are.

Our good intentions do not justify the means.

 I feel my purpose as an anonymous Muslima blogger, is to bridge worlds and offer insight where needed in our communities. Addressing these issues might enlighten my sisters (and ultimately is a reminder to me as well) on the answers to common questions they desperately crave, yet cannot find on other sites. Again, I give my perspective and opinion and at the end of the day it's up to you. You can take it with a grain of salt or you can take it and run.

   

In order to offer a holistic perspective as much as possible, I answered these questions alongside a dear friend, she is referred to in this article as Your_fairy_God_mother.

Here's some of the most common questions Muslima's face in the quest to find "The One":

1. He's trying to talk to me online and we've never met or talked to each other before. What do I do?

 Random Rants of a Muslima:

   Well, perhaps before thinking of what you should do, first think of what you want to do. If you're asking yourself this question, chances are you're interested in him (otherwise you would have totally ignored this stranger) and if he's taking time to try and start small talk with you and get personal when he doesn't have to, chances are he's also interested. Whether or not his interest is based on good intention will not be known unless he tells you directly what his intention is. And even then, you can never be too trusting or sure. There's nothing wrong with sharing an interest but here's where you gotta be careful; the online experience doesn't compare to the real deal. When a man is truly interested in a woman for marriage, his first instinct is to make sure he doesn't lose this woman to anyone else (I call it the dibs theory). So this means he will look for a way to let you know as soon as he can. And if he can't find a way to you in person, he may do it online (especially if he lacks confidence in this field). However, if he can't get through to you online and has solid pure intentions, he'll find another way don't you worry. So if you want to be sure of his intention, I suggest steering away from online communication since it can also lead to fitna; not to mention, when you post online it stays in the web forever. Don't worry about him, he'll be okay. You won't hurt his feelings I promise (no I can't really promise but it doesn't matter cause pleasing Allah should come first and foremost).

Your_Fairy_God_Mother:

I’m about to sound like your mom for a second BUT: First, be very, very careful when speaking to ANYONE you have only met online, regardless of gender. Never release any personal/private information you wouldn't be comfortable having the general public knowing, and always ask a parent or someone you trust if you are unsure whether someone looks sketchy or you feel unsafe by something the person said. Pay attention to your intuition, as your gut feelings about someone may be more correct than you think. Second, pay attention to the legitimacy of this person online. Which website is this person using to try to reach you? For example, if the guy messages you on your profile on a legitimate Muslim Marriage site, it seems much more authentic then him poking you on Facebook or inboxing you “wIlL U Mak Ze FrIenDSHip wIIzzZ mEe?” Third, consider what the person is saying to you? If he is keeping it all halal and formal, and is messaging you respectfully to ask for your father’s contact information, that might be okay. If he is asking you whether midnight behind that (insert local coffee shop) works with you as a meeting location.. uhm, RUN! Fourth, ALWAYS get a mahram or parent involved. DO NOT KEEP ANY SECRETS. Have your family read over all messages that are being received, and have them help you along the way. In conclusion, sometimes online meetings do end up being useful tools to meet a future spouse, but be sure to always keep it halal, use extreme caution, trust your gut feelings, and get your parents involved asap!

2. My friend is asking for me to connect him/her to someone he/she is interested in, how do I go about this?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

    Ooh, you're in a tough position now. Cause you gotta be the fair middle man, don't you? You know both parties and now you feel obligated. But let me tell you something: if you don't feel fit to do this, then don't do it. There's two ways to go about this and I can't be the one to tell you the right from the wrong way, but you can either 1) introduce them briefly and connect them and leave it at that or 2) do your research and invest your time and energy in the two first. All I can say is this comes with an immense responsibility. The responsibility lies not in making sure the two have a rosy picture of each other and fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. From where I see it, the responsibility lies in ensuring no one's rights are transgressed and that everyone feels comfortable with everything. This means consulting both parties on how they would prefer to be arranged before going about it yourself. It's very easy to follow through on your own timeline and manner because your friends (on both ends) might be ones you've know for quite some time now; which can give you the idea that you've got some flexibility with the process. But you don't. The truth is, people vary widely on how they would like to be connected to someone that even years of friendship cannot always give you proper insight on their preference . And ultimately, people change their minds as well with the passing of time. What you can do, which is what I would do for myself if I was in your position, is to speak to both parties on the subject of marriage as a whole and whether they feel ready to pursue someone seriously and take some time to investigate; are they ready to ultimately start a family and take on the responsibility of being a father/mother? It's not up to you to hold anyone back if you feel they aren't ready, but you can guide him/her and give your advice to the other party of the status of the proposee (can I call them that?) by keeping careful to maintain transparency and honesty. Honesty is the best policy when handling these situations. Make sure to inform both parties of the steps you will take (based on their preference) and to take on each step at a time. Then comes another question; when will your job be complete? This really depends on the situation really. Bottom line is, make sure you know your boundaries and that will be based on what their preferences - so it's key to consult them. Another important thing to keep in mind is to always keep the sister in question dignified. Our culture assumes that the man will pursue the woman, so your job would be to guide him to her family, rather than to do all the exploring of the woman's profile yourself. This way, you ensure no one's rights are transgressed and that the line of information is discrete, direct and accurate.

Your_Fairy_God_Mother:

     First, this is a responsibility you have been given. Be sure to keep all information about your friend’s interest confidential, and be very respectful of your friend’s inquiry. Second, let the person being pursued know of your friend’s interest (respectfully and maturely), and urge them both to get their parents involved asap!

3. I've got a reputation for being too reserved. When is it time to let down my guard?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

     Congratulations. That's an awesome reputation to have. It means you're a proper woman who is comfortable and accepting of her boundaries with the opposite gender. Now whether or not you feel the need to change this, it's really up to you, I can't be the one to tell you how you should live your life. With regards to letting down your guard, it really depends on your definition of guard. If you feel that your shyness is impeding your movement and stopping you from pursuing your goals then perhaps you can practice slowly exposing yourself to more nerve wracking situations to lower your anxiety in the long run.  The best way to go about this is to practice public speaking. Truth is, many of us cannot just deny the existence of men around us. We see them at work and almost every place which requires social interaction so we must learn how to go about our day and fulfill our purpose without letting anyone stand in our way. But please do not allow anyone to enforce their standards upon you, it is ultimately up to you and what makes you comfortable. Those who speak of your reservation negatively are not the folk who hold the same values for you as you do for yourself, so don't worry about them. Letting down your guard will come naturally to you once you marry and that all depends on Allah's boundaries for us as women. This applies to men as well.

Your_Fairy_God_Mother:

Having a reputation for being reserved is NOT necessarily a negative thing. Just make sure it is not inhibiting you from being an active member of society, or is making you seem unapproachable. In our present time, it has unfortunately become the norm for girls and guys to be extremely open, loud, and to mingle freely with one another. Anyone who doesn't conform is wrongfully labeled as “reserved, cold, or weird.” This is in fact untrue as the standards for what is normal behavior with the opposite gender have been completely pushed beyond the boundary of what Islam finds acceptable. In fact, being reserved with the opposite gender is the way we Muslims are supposed to conduct ourselves, as modesty should be practiced as a part of our character, and is not only meant to be symbolized as a piece of cloth on our heads. However, although being reserved and modest with the opposite gender is in fact a very positive thing, just be sure it doesn’t disable you from being active in your community. You CAN work with guys RESPECTFULLY and have healthy, halal relationships that allow you to contribute to your community and grow as a person. Dealing with guys respectfully is a very important skill that is important to learn and develop to enable you to become a strong, well rounded woman. My recommendation would be to join an organization that has a safe, respectful working environment, in which you are able to contribute to society, and remain comfortable at the same time.

4. Can I maintain a friendship with a guy?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

     Let me make this clear, there is no way I can sugarcoat this for you, so here goes:

No. Never. 

     Friendships with men are selfish. Truth is, if a man is taking an ample time from his day to involve himself personally with you, to him this is an investment in the possibility of a future together. Or in some cases, just his play-time really, let's be frank here. Maintaining this friendship implies that you're okay with making exceptions to your standards and overstepping the boundries that Allah (swt) set between men and women for your own selfish desires to fulfill a hole in your life that this man brings. If you truly want what's best for this man you consider a friend, then end it for his sake before he falls in love with you or you fall in love with him and someone in the end is bound to get hurt. Women around the world, make no exceptions on your standards for anyone, no matter how trusting you think they are. There  are ultimately things happening behind your back that you will not be aware of. For example, he could be telling his friends of this relationship of yours and bragging about how much you're into him, regardless of whether you are or not. Bottom line is, sooner or later you'll regret this friendship when you marry, but the social networks and its damage would have already happened. Another thing to keep in mind, if you feel like you need his friendship, then this is an indication of something missing in your life, so find it. Let me give you a hint, He's always there and wants to hear you out and give you all that you want, at any time of the day.

Your_Fairy_God_Mother:

Easy answer: Don’t.

Let me elaborate here:

You can definitely be a FRIENDLY, pleasant human being to be around, but to be FRIENDS with a guy is much trickier. Friendship is an intimate relationship. Even if it starts off as innocent, and you feel confident with your boundaries and limitations, with time, these boundaries will slowly come tumbling down, and suddenly your friendship will progress like any other into a stronger, more dependent, intimate relationship. You will begin to know each other very well, enjoy and miss one another’s company when you aren’t around one another, and with time, feelings of attachment will begin to develop. This is only natural. It is inevitable that either you or the guy will start to develop feelings for one another, leading to confusion and awkwardness between you both. If you hopefully choose to end your friendship before it becomes on the verge of being a haram relationship, it will naturally cause you feelings of heartbreak and pain over losing a very important person in your life. If you choose to let it develop into a haram relationship, it will obviously only lead you down a wrong path. In the end, it will most likely end in a sticky, painful mess.

We are given a code of conduct to abide by in Islam, and it involves dealing with the opposite gender in a formal manner, rather than forming close friendships, I suggest we stick to that.

5. How do I know he's interested for marriage and not just playing around?

Random Rants of a Muslima:

   Sometimes it's hard to tell. But most Muslim men won't play around when they're interested in something serious. Or at least won't prolong this matter. Here's why; most men think of only one thing when they set their eyes on that girl who could be The One; which is that "I gotta make sure she doesn't end up with anyone else." So they will make the move pretty quickly and won't necessarily show any signs. Don't read too much into his actions you won't end up with the right conclusions. They will explain their true intentions pretty quickly either through a friend or to you directly. Now if he's been talking to you for months now and hasn't committed or told you why he's spending his time on you, then get out of it quick! You don't have the time to waste and you want to invest now for your future. He's just holding you back otherwise. 

Your_Fairy_God_Mother:

There are certain signs, here are a few:

1. He does not flirt around with other girls, and he does not flirt with you – but instead, is formal and follows the Islamic conduct with all female interactions.

2. He has approached your parents to formalize the relationship.

3. He is trying to stabilize himself financially.

Invisible Relationships: Why Playing a Double Life Will Get You Nowhere

Invisible Relationships: Why Playing a Double Life Will Get You Nowhere

      Yes, I am aware this is "Random Rants of a Muslima" and I haven't been as angry as I should be. So here goes.

      This entry is dedicated to all my brothers and sisters playing "the game". To all the brothers who are "just looking for a wife". And to my sisters who think they're "just friends."

      Dear beloved young brothers and sisters in Islam,

  You're youthful. Energetic. Full of pent up emotions and passion waiting to be disposed of. That is perfectly normal. I will not dictate how you should run the course of your life. But I just want to let you know that your actions won't be hidden from view much longer. I write with the intent to expose those of you who have slipped into the habit of having what I like to call "invisible relationships". Yes, I am talking about that on-the-side fella or lady whom you've found a safe haven with. So while you spend your free time entertaining this questionable relationship with the opposite gender, under whatever excuse you've sold yourself of "were just friends" and that "she doesn't respect herself anyway" and the sort, you've really only fooled yourselves into believing that you're guaranteed a shield between you and Allah. 

     Wait, that's not you, right? I must be talking about some other people on the other side of the world or something.

    Why? Because you pray five times a day and constantly hammer your online networks with Islamic reminders? That Facebook wall, twitter, instagram, whatsapp and wherever else you work full-time to deliver your perfect image. More spaces to connect with "potentials", am I right?

  Between monitoring all your accounts and sucking in all the celebrity love, the private messages and chats have become a place of comfort and familiarity. Entertaining a single or multiple online relationships must be difficult to maneuver, I bet. Especially when they suck up so much of your free time. The attention must do wonders, right? And don't take me for a fool, when you send a "I like how you shared that hadeeth", no one is oblivious to your unstated intentions. Just drop whatever excuse you've convinced yourself of now. Because what is right doesn't need an excuse.

"It is not righteousness to enter houses from the back, but righteousness is [in] one who fears Allah. And enter houses from their doors. And fear Allah that you may succeed." [Albaqara:189]

   When's the last time you checked your heart? All of this time you've spent concerned with other people and managing these invisible relationships has drained your energy and you've lost focus of what really counts. Bottom line is, trying to blaze two paths is exhausting. It is not only tiresome but it distracts from Allah's worship. If everyday you have to feel that you're at risk of slipping from your deen, then you've made the journey harder for yourself. You've got no one to blame but your indecisiveness. My advice to you is to take a hard look at your life and evaluate where your standards stand. Are they flexible or are they as certain and solid as Allah's book? 

     Young one, nobody said that being a Muslim was easy. But there is no downtime for a pious Muslim. Do whatever it takes to keep to your standards. Get creative, distract yourself, indulge in causes, and keep temptations away from all your senses if that's what works. But, do not allow yourself to witness your own hands and eyes commit wrong and choose to be stubborn against Allah's orders.

"And let those who do not find the means to marry keep chaste until Allah makes them free from want out of His grace." [Al-Nur:33]

Ps. Anyone who thinks of themselves as "single and ready" to mingle can go find those like him. That's enough toiling with our chaste sisters and brothers.

The Dreaded Dress

The Dreaded Dress

Another beloved friend from united states writes a reflection:

      I woke up after a long, deep, and well needed sleep. It was quite an okay morning, the same tired feeling I felt every morning, just not as dreadful as usual. I went on with my day as I would usually. Checked my phone, washed my face, brushed my teeth, got some breakfast and showered. This week was the one right after my special-time-of-the-month, and I usually have a hard time going back to my praying routine. Prayers were usually on and off after this time, but I eventually get back on track. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very faithful person, and I love God and I know very well my duties towards Him. I try my best but I have some difficulty not letting this bloody world distract me.  I carried on my day’s duties and the dream I had the past night instantly hit me. The last thing I thought during my dream was: “Crap. This means I’m gonna die.” I remember an old friend of mine who once told me that in a dream, the moment you begin to do a higher level of thinking you instantly wake up, which is usually why the end of your dream usually holds the most meaning and usually why it’s the most memorable. I dreamt that I was in a gorgeous white gown. My hair was up in a simple bun, it looked darker than usual. My dress was A-line, flowy, but not puffy, with a beautiful sweeping train and lace sleeves. It was a wedding dress. I was not happy, I was not sad; I was indifferent. It was my wedding day and I was doing what I had to do.  I woke up from my dream, and I didn’t quite forget what I dreamt, but I didn't think about it either. I had things to accomplish; dreams never meant anything to me.

     I went along with my life, and the moment I recalled my dream, I remembered sitting between my mother and her friends a while ago, and they were interpreting dreams, somehow the topic of wedding dresses and getting married came up in their conversation.  They said that if a girl sees herself in a wedding dress in a dream, it means that she will die.  At the time, I laughed and said they were talking nonsense.  There could be a million reasons why a wedding dress would come up in a dream, either like many girls, you’re wedding obsessed, or like me and a few others, getting married is a nightmare. I could understand why such a dream would symbolize death to me.  But today was different, it didn’t just symbolize death, it meant death.  It’s not like I believed 100% of their interpretation, but at the back of my head, I thought to myself, “What if they were right?”  I mean I've never really met anyone who dreamt about being in a wedding dress, probably because they never lived long enough to talk about their dream.

     I’m not usually a paranoid person, but I have my moments. I tried to shrug the negative thoughts away, and go on with my day, but I couldn't stop. At first I wasn't so scared, I just stopped for a moment, and listened to myself, to my soul, to my body, to my feelings. It didn't feel like I was going to die. This pause was not the only one I took throughout the day; I repeated the process quite a few times. I wasn't freaking out or anything, but the possibility was there, and if it was probable, then there really wasn't anything I could do about it, I can’t stop myself from dying. So, I called my mom. The phone rang a few times, we exchanged how-are-you’s, I-miss-you’s and all that, she was at the mall with a friend. My mother was showing off the shoes I bought for her, and her friend loved them so they went to pick up a pair. At the back of my head I thought, what a tragic way for me to die on my mother, she’ll probably treasure those shoes forever. She was busy, she asked me if I needed anything, and I told her that I was okay, and that I just wanted to tell her about a dream I had. She was busy. She didn't really care much to ask what I dreamt, but I told her anyway. She didn't seem sad or worried though, she just asked me if there was music and clapping, and zaghareet (Arab war cry as I call it). I told her there weren't any, she didn’t really listen. She said “So, you don’t need anything? Khalas, I’ll call you later, let me finish what I’m doing.” In my head I was thinking “If I die, it will definitely be tragic for her.”

      I looked around me, my room wasn't as neat as it could be, and I didn’t have my wudu. I got up and did my wudu, and cleaned my room. I started the laundry that’s been piling up for the past week.  If I die I want to be on my wudu, and I want my room to be clean and my laundry to be done. It might be a weird way to go about it, but that was my first reaction. I wasn't shaky or scared or worried. If I have to go, I have to go. And no, I am not ready to die, not religiously, not personally. I’m still young, and I have so many dreams, and I have so much I need to change in myself for Allah. I always tried to keep my attachment to this world very minimal and there was always a war going on inside my head. But I am human, so no I was not ready to meet my Lord. I was ashamed, but I trusted God. I was worried, but my eman has always been strong. I made so many mistakes, and I still am, but God is most forgiving. I want to meet my Lord with a pure heart, good intentions, mountains of good deeds, and years of repentance. Today should not be my last day, but if it was, there’s nothing I could do about it, except wait, and make sure it happened when I was doing something good.

      I blasted the Qur’an with the voice of my favourite reciter. He began to cry halfway through the Surah. “This could be a sign,” I thought to myself. I listened and I let myself feel every word; I’ve never been this focused on Qur’an. I always loved it, but I usually would get side tracked.  “If I’m going to die today, I hope I die now.” I wished. A Dua kept going on and on through my head, Allahuma thabetny a'nd al soa'al. I repeated it in my head almost a million times. When I’m asked, I really hope I don’t fail myself. But how can I be sure that I won’t. The truth is I can’t be sure.

     Ramadan is so soon, could I really die before I get the chance to fast in the blessed month again? I felt so doomed. It was time for prayer, I renewed my wudu. It had to be perfect, this prayer has to count because it could be my last. While doing my wudu, I smiled, because I knew that if anyone knew what was going on in my head they would think I was so silly. I also smiled because I also remembered all the times I asked God to make my last living moment in my sujood. Maybe this was it, maybe God wants to answer my prayer, and maybe I’ll drop dead in my prayer, in an empty house, away from my family and friends. Wonderful. I prayed, and this time I recited every word perfectly, out loud, slowly, my sujood was much longer than usual, and tears flooded my prayer matt. I had to get up eventually, and no my life did not end in prayer. I studied a little, and looked at the beautiful green book laying on my side table. I missed it so much. It’s been weeks since I last opened it, and read anything other than surat Al Kahf. I brushed my fingers along the top of this beautiful book, I've always wanted to dedicate an hour of my day to reading it. I always wanted to pray fajr, make my dua, and read the Qur’an. It was a dream for me to start my day in such a peaceful way. It was a dream because the days when I didn’t miss fajr I would pray and go back to sleep, the dua would happen on occasions. I hoped that my dreams would count for something if I died. I mean I’m not a bad person, but I’m not the best person I could be, and God knows what’s in my heart.

    At lunch time I ate, and I forgot to say bismillah. What if I choke to death? And on top of that I forgot to say bismillah, how horrible of me. These thoughts got the best of me, I asked my roommate what she thought. I asked if maybe there was hint, I asked if she thought I could feel it. “You can’t, death happens so suddenly.” She was very comforting, and I had to pee. What if I died while peeing? In the washroom the dirtiest place and the worst place to die. Terrible. I hoped against it, as soon as I finished I redid my wudu, which is not something I would do normally unless I had to pray.

    My imagination went wild, would the angel of death be gentle, beautiful, scary, friendly? Would he give me a moment before he takes my soul? Will there be a light coming out of my heart? Will I feel anything? Will everything I’ve ever felt come rushing out of me? Will my grave be bright, and comfortable? Will it be as green as I always imagined it to be? Will I see Allah’s beauty? I hoped.

    My day preceded as such, I kept trying to go on with my life, but the thought of death kept haunting me. Scenario’s would play out in my head. All my actions had an outcome, every prayer was prayed right on time, and was perfectly mastered, my Dua was ten times longer than usual, my cries for forgiveness were more sincere, and my fear of Allah was renewed every minute of my day.  I wished that I could live longer than today, so that I could make sure that every day of the rest of my life played out like this. These thoughts were scary but they kept me going in the right direction.

     So for those of you who read this far, I didn’t type this big blob of a life story for no reason. I typed it to send a message across. Even though I could have sent this message in a shorter way, I just felt like blabbing. Now for the message that we all probably already know, but boy did I need reminding:

    You cannot feel death. There are no signs and there are no warnings. There is nothing you can do to stop it, and death does not care who you are. Death does not care what you dream of doing, or what you are doing. Live every moment as if it’s your last, live every moment with fear and repentance. Live every moment with the thought of Allah at the back of your head. Live every moment as though it’s the moment you will meet your Lord; as though it’s the moment you will be asked. Pray for yourself. Pray for yourself and for those you love as much as you can. Keep a prayer in your heart, and repeat it at the back of your head at every minute of your day. Purify yourself; purify your body, purify your tongue, purify your heart, and purify your mind. Listen to your soul, listen to your conscience. Listen to the Qur’an with every living cell inside of you and allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to feel Allah’s presence and his blessings. Lastly my lovely sisters, and brothers in Islam, I ask you to thank Allah for every second you are blessed with, because it is indeed a blessing. Alhamdulilah, may Allah ease our pains, and have mercy on our souls, may he give us the light of knowledge, wisdom, and eman, may he protect us from the attachment of this world. May he keep us on our straight path, and help us overcome our obstacles. Ameen.