Is Marriage Like Dating

As salam -u- alaikum wa rehmatulillahi wa barakatahu 

Today morning I was Thinking about Marriage .. In Islam marriage is a beautiful relationship, its a gift by Allah Swt.. Where 2 people are coming together in a bond which is pure and which is for Allah swt but now a days its not the same thing.. people do get married and they get divorced or if they are not divorced but they are not happy with each other after sometime and this feelings carry on whole life.. Husband is serving his family he is the care taker of his family but now its not like that.. 

Husband are now feeling superior just cos they are serving his family or taking care of his family in every terms.. just because he is earning so he don’t get the licensed to get rude ..Islam dosen't says this so why nowadays modern men’s are portraying these messages and to their future generations.. Islam has given equality to all human beings ..

If a husband is earning then wife is nurturing him and his future generations so now we turn to this idea of guarding one privates within marriage 

Before a Young man gets married in our times, now a days, They've watched a few movies here and there, Before they made Tawba and they became religious, and they have this idea of what love is, and what marriage is ?

They are like, “Man i have to get married " as though, like in their head, once they get married all their temptations are just going to ..Disappear, and life is going to be bliss, & "we are going to read Quran Together" It’s going to be just this spiritual experience & there is this fantastic view of what marriage is really is...

Those of you that are already married are probably not even laughing right now, Because they're like, .." What is she Talking about”? My brother & sisters  because you don't even feeling that way... 

yes, many of times, you do run into a brick wall because what is shown to us 

 About marriage...

Our Idea of marriage...

Especially, the modern mind, 

Whether Muslims or otherwise, the modern idea of love and companionship & a Man and a women Together the idea of it is basically same as dating....

& dating means, you have all fun, & when things get difficult you walk away..

That’s what dating is, so when we think of marriage..

brothers and sisters even, when they think of marriage

they are thinking about the aspects of marriage that are like dating 

But, you know there is a lot more to marriage, than dating right??

There is the bliss, there is shores, and you have to learn to live with another person 

which is very difficult, you do things your way, she does her way, 

& there is the towel hanging the wrong way, or the toothbrush is in the different place

you know there is too little sugar in your coffee or something 

little things start adding up..

In the beginning i lover her too much...I'm not going to say anything, I can handle this, 

but a couple of years later, its starts piling up, & you're like "again with the sugar "??

& its start adding up more and more... 

Now, This doesn’t happen in dating because, 

You’re tired of this girl; move on to next one..!

Or she’s is tired of you, “I don’t want to deal with your smell anymore. “ I’m OUT”!!

You know, it’s just “walk away from it “

But marriage is a serious commitment

& you know the terminology used in Quran is very strong..

“ Al-muhsanat Al- Muhsineen”

You know the “IHSAAN” in Arabic means is a word used for putting someone inside a fort.

I like a military camp, the idea of that is, there are enemies outside,

Once you’re inside the military facility, you are safe!

So women are described as females that have been put inside the camp, for protection

& who is protecting them? Husband is.

From everything, From Sadness, From Difficulty, from shamelessness…

In terms of ignorance he is protecting them, he is giving them an education,

He is protecting them in every single way

& the one who wants to get married; Allah describes him,

“Muhsineena gair mossalifiheen”

So they are the men who have the intention of bringing women into this fort,

Into their protection, to start families, not just to get their desire out !

“Mossafih “ is someone who has hormones overtaking him

That’s why he wants to get married, that’s it !

So Allah changes our mindset about marriage

But if you marry with right reasons than you will have healthy relationship with your wife

But if you marry for the wrong reasons, & the wrong reasons are..

I have hormonal problems, that why I want to get married that’s it..!

You know what, you are going to have a miserable marriage & you will never be satisfied..

And probably many of you have learned this hard way already

Because the intention was all messed up, the intention has to be to start a family,

To please Allah SWT , to increase the good in society

So now the principle, the underline principle in marriage,

As it is in everything else in this deen of Allah SWT

You worry about your obligations, and you forget about your rights,

I know it sounds very harsh, but if you can do that, I mean experiment it for six months,

Forget about your rights, worry about obligations, what can I do for my wife?

What more I can do for her, can I buy her a gift, I haven’t given her anything for longtime,

You know if she makes a mistake, pretends like she didn’t even make it,

“Tafashi” in Arabic means to cover the page, when you cover the page you cant see the previous page right?

So if your wife makes the mistake, you pretended like you don’t even see it,

Instead of brining up & “again with this?”

So, you cover her mistakes, & you go out of your way to fulfill your side of the obligations,

You go out of your way of sabr and compassion, & over looking

& even the hurtful comments, you don’t respond to them except with a smile, etc

You go out of your way to do your part, because you know when you start expecting, you expect certain things from your wife;

She should take care of me, I have physical needs, I have needs, I have psychological needs,

She should give me company; she should be nicer to me,

So she should smile when I come home, instead of frowning at me all the time,

& reminding me of what groceries I didn’t do, or what laundry I forgot to finish, she should be nicer to me, etc,

There is always these expectations in your head, & you know the believer, who does he expect from?

The believer expects from his lord”

Because everyone besides Allah SWT , will disappoint your expectations,

A universal principle of Allah AWJ revealed,

“The one who seeks, The one who demand is weak, has been weakened, and whatever he seeks is also been weakened, inherently weak

So, so long as you place any hopes In creation, you are necessarily going to be disappointed..

You put hopes in your boss, he is going to give you a promotion, it’s not going to happen,

You put hopes in your friend, he is going to come through, he gave you an appointment time, he is going to pick you up, he is going to be late, & he is not going to be able to make it,

You put hopes in creation, you put hopes in things, They will disappoint you

Allah AWJ want us to learn to keep hopes only in him, and then when this attitude is developed, than what happen is , if your wife gives you a little, you are very grateful, because, you weren’t expecting anything.

A lot of times, what happen is , we read a couple of Islamic books, & may be a couple of hadith about the rights of husband, the rights of a wife, and the crazy thing happen is husbands are reading about what husbands deserve, and wives are reading about what wives deserves, as opposed to the opposite

Husbands are supposed to be reading about what? What the wives deserve

But everybody is obsessed with himself, they’re selfish, even when they come to Islam, they learned and they study that which serves them,

So, for example parents, they may not know the Quran but they know,

They know that one, they don’t even know where it is In the Quran, but they know this by heart,

Who do they know, this by heart? Because it serves them,

The men, they may not know much about the Quran, but as soon as the wife says a word,

Because, it is self serving, now, you’re not a servant of Allah SWT,

You are using Allah’s deen to serve yourself right?

So one has to understand, our deen first and foremost is a responsibility to fulfill our obligations,

So we study and we learn, how do we excel with our wives,

How does the wife excel with the husband.

So if you want to have a healthy relationship in a marriage “ you have to take care of your obligations !! that’s all