20 Signs You Might Have an Ego Problem

Here are 20 signs you may have an ego problem:


1. You don't play with kids:

     That's okay, Kids don't have much to offer anyway, right? Wrong. Your inability to see the potential for learning from those younger than you is preventing you from experiencing the most out of life as a result and is ultimately a reflection of arrogance. I wrote about this previously in "10 Reasons Why Kids Don't Like You".  Children have an extremely accurate ego detector and the fact that they don't gravitate towards you is their detection at work.

2. You can't maintain a conversation with an elderly person:

     Seniors have experienced a great deal of trials and have accumulated years of wisdom and lessons as a result of their long life. When they speak to a young one who thinks they've figured life out, they don't bother engaging in a meaningful conversation with them. Even if they do, it will be the superficial kind. They've met a multitude of diverse personalities and they know how an arrogant one should be treated, so they maintain silence and conserve their energy on more important matters. Point number 12 in "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise" elaborates on this subject further.

3. Persuasion & seduction is your best asset:

     You spend a great deal of your time looking up ways to convince others to fall under your control and to fulfill your desires and expectations. For example, you are interested in throwing compliments where necessary in a conversation to get on the good side of the one you are speaking to so they are more likely to agree with you. Your ability to manipulate others can be quite fascinating at times and may be working for you, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. How do you react in the circumstances where it is unsuccessful?

4. You must win debates and arguments: 

      You have a deep desire to reach closure on matters which put your ego at risk. The closure must be oriented towards what you desire and what fits your world view. Even if you leave a conversation unresolved and an argument as a "loser", you will spend a great deal of time thinking and replaying the scenario so that next time, you will not fall as the subordinate in the debate. You might even spend a great amount of time researching and getting your facts straight so that you won't be shamed in a debate ever again.

5. You believe that you are a great judge of character:

     You've met enough people to generalize and tell others how they should act. You can even read people's intentions and you are sure you know what is in their hearts, subhanallah! You know the "religious" ones from the rest too. Check out number 3 in "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise".

6. You don't need to ask any questions: 

      You don't need to read much. Everything is redundant and not new to you anyway. If you have a question, you will find an answer through your own exploration or research. You may even be satisfied with an answer you come up with on your own. It would be a shame to ask for help anyway, right? Read point number 2 in "Top 10 Elements of a Charming Muslim Man" and number 3 in "Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima" for more on this topic.

7. You can always have more:

     You deserve more so you should have more. You wonder what you've done to deserve such a mess of a life sometimes. Special folk such as yourself deserve more than average treatment for their hard work and dedication, not to mention their undeniable attractiveness and charisma.

8. You must receive approval and compliments from people for what you do: 

    When you do good, you look forward to that compliment and approval to validate your efforts. It's best to perform the good deed in front of a crowd so they see you for the awesome person that you are. Your actions and always proceeded by an anticipation of a positive reaction from people, otherwise there is really no point. When you don't get this feedback, you usually lose patience and quit trying.

9. You believe there is always a right and wrong side:

    Everything is black or white and good or evil. There is no middle path; the middle path is for indecisive losers who don't know what you know. Fact are facts and they are as set in stone and are as true as the bright sun - there can be no diversity in approach. It's either right or totally wrong. You won't change your mind once it's made up either. Read point 11 in "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise". 

10. You can't give a sincere compliment:

     You find yourself envious and wanting what others have. They have things which only a person like you truly deserves and you can't fathom how they have been given what you weren't. If no one compliments you then why should you compliment others and make their head big? Even if you do give a compliment, it doesn't feel right. Almost like you've put your ego at risk and did someone a favor they don't deserve. 

11. You are competitive in every situation:

    If there are eyes watching, you must compete to win. Even if the competition happens to be in something you are not skilled at. When you lose, you can usually convince yourself of all the other awesome things you're good at and that this skill is not important anyway.

12. You have to hide your true feelings: 

     Just face it, you are not happy putting so much effort into pleasing the world. It's costly, tiring and involves a great deal of faking your way through life. You are not familiar with any alternatives and can't imagine how your friends and the people around you will react to your true feelings and desires.

13. You expect a great deal from the world:

     The world has a lot to live up to according to your point of view. You are constantly complaining about all the wrong that is in it. The blame is always on someone or something else. Your advice is extremely valuable and others should take your word very seriously  Read point 15 from "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise" and point number 1 from part 1.
     
14. You are losing friends:

    Well, you think it's their loss anyway and everyone is bound to lose friends. They could be just jealous of you for all you know. You still have some friends and they're just awesome because they agree with everything you have to say and don't challenge your thinking. Most people don't do business or work with you twice unless they have an personal interest in the matter. Face it, you're a pain to be around. You think it's quite clever  to be a blunt person who speaks their mind so you tell others what you really think of them, even if you know it will hurt them. Be careful, the common factor in all of your lost friendships is you, not them.

15. You use the word "I" quite often:

     You just do. Everything revolves around you.

16. You won't share credit: 

     Your hard work can never be shared by an amateur. Most of the time you prefer to work alone anyway but when you're forced to be in a group, you are sure it was you who put in the most effort and who truly deserves credit for the work. It's difficult for you to relinquish your association with your work once it's complete. You'll bring it up in almost every conversation and rub it in everyone's face just so they know who they're talking to.

17. You take titles and positions very seriously: 

     A title of "president" or "director" is the one you want. And when you have it, you act as if it is your ticket to bossing everyone around. You are convinced no one can really replace you or take on your position the same way or better than yourself. 

18. You don't listen: 

    Or maybe you do, sometimes. But just so you can understand the person in front of you and prove you're right. If you don't, you're just quiet so that they finish what they have to say and you can continue talking about your own business - which everyone is expected to attend to. You're not boring like them anyway.

19. You think that if you tried hard enough, any man/woman would fall in love with you:

   The only reason the world doesn't fall head over heels for you is because you haven't given them a chance; you're just too "hard to get". You know all in ins and outs of seduction and will try to manipulate all of the conditions to suit your master plan of making that special person fall for you. When they don't however, you are angry and sometimes you can't hide it - or you just dismiss him/her as not knowing what's best for themselves and that you weren't really that attracted to them anyway, right?

21. You think you're "religious" enough: 

     Your character doesn't need any work. You have the right amount of religion to get you into jannah you're just so sure of it. 


UPDATE: I wrote a new post on 20 ways you can challenge your ego. Let me know what you think!

Why Calling Someone "Religious" is Problematic

  We've all used it before; the sacred "R" word.

   Used to classify people into two broad groups, depending on the intention and whom we are speaking to; and is almost never used when we are talking about someone similar to ourselves. One group comprises the holy sheikh(a) or imaam imagery - with a beard or higab, modest apparel and their constant reminders of the deen to others. This group is seen as "practicing" and can be associated with positive adjectives to describe them as guiding angels whom we would like to consider the sisters "like our mothers" and so forth. Some of us look up to them and see them as untouched beings with a raised status to an unattainable position; whereby no matter how hard we work on becoming close to these folks in character, we are bound to fail because of their years of experience and knowledge in Islam and our deterministic past and shameful history, not to mention the way they can dare to dress differently and own it.

     And then there's a slightly different association; one that involves themes of rigidity, bigotry, extremism and savagery. This can be seen in the most subtle of ways and will not be expressed directly by the user. This association is made by some who perceive themselves of those who highly value science and technology and the advancement of culture and cannot fathom or accept the merging of religion and modernity. These are not atheist per se, but those who see religion as a flexible and practical belief, rather than a solid book of basic standards. These same folk may consider themselves to be the "right" Muslims and with that belief they placed an imaginary line between them and other Muslims whom they believe do not fit their category. This is unrelated to sects in Islam, but I mean to shed light on our hidden intentions of our use of the word "religious" to describe somebody.

     Now, what is the problem with these associations if they are correct, you may ask? Well, the first issue is our cocky confidence in that they are. Our inability to relinquish control over the boxes which we've placed other people in leads ourselves to become the opposite of what we preach for others to avoid becoming; rigid and downright judgmental. We become extremely confident of our judgement - so much so we cannot accept a member we've placed in one category to fit into another. If a "moderate" Muslim begins wearing the higab or donning a beard, they are not being themselves, and we see them as being hypocrites; all while we watch them and remain stationary - having full satisfaction that the way we perceive our religion is the most righteous. On the other hand, when we look up to a person for their Deen, we forgive their mistakes more easily - or scrutinize and analyze them - and we grant them bigger and better opportunities at being leaders of the faith in our communities; all while forgetting ourselves and widening the gap between us and themselves. We must remember that Islam has only truly taken form in a person in the case of the prophet muhammed (peace be upon him); when we label others as "religious", we let them become our ambassadors of Islam and therefore their shortcomings can become an excuse for some to stay away from bettering their deen. They say:"look at what religion does, how can I follow in their footsteps?" We must never compare our deen to others and we must look upon our character as a constant work in progress. If Allah (swt) can forgive the biggest of sins, then why don't we begin by forgiving ourselves and following through and believing His promise? Ultimately, we will be judged by Allah (swt) in front of all His creations for our true actions and intentions, so look forward to that and don't hesitate to make those changes in your life to please Him and Him only.

     When we judge others for what we perceive is in their hearts, we hand over control and omniscience to ourselves and not our Lord- an illusion of it that is. We are indirectly expressing to Allah (swt) that we are just as capable or even more so than Him -istagfarallah- at figuring people out. We've also indirectly stated to the world how much of our time  is spent thinking about the business of others rather than our own selves. For wallahi, if each of us was to carry on looking inwards instead of out at others, we would find no time and no energy to place on anyone but ourselves. Keeping a critical eye and mind on others is also keeping a critical eye and mind away from ourselves. 

     Shirk is often seen as polytheism and nothing more. Yet, we fail to realize that our ego can oftentimes be worshiped and followed as a deity and perceived in the same manner. We must always practice modesty, humility and self-reflection in order to improve our deen. If you feel comfortable comparing yourself to the prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) in character, then go ahead and judge others. But you won't be I'm sure; and even the prophet (peace be upon him) himself told us to leave judging the contents of other's hearts to Allah (swt) and even in situations where he knew the ill intentions of those in front of him (from Allah), he was asked to be fair and to treat them based on their outwardly manner.

      Abu Ma'bad al-Miqdad ibn al-Aswad said, "I asked the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, 'What do you think if I meet a man of the unbelievers and we fight and he strikes one of my hands with his sword and cuts it off and then takes shelter from me behind a tree and says, "I have surrendered to Allah." Should I kill him, Messenger of Allah, after he has said that?' He said, 'Do not kill him.' I said, 'Messenger of Allah, he cut off one of my hands and then said it after he cut it off!' He said, 'Do not kill him. If you kill him, then he is in the position you were in before you killed him and you are in the position he was in before he said the words he said.'" [Agreed upon]

     Usama ibn Zayd said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, sent us to al-Huraqa, a sub-tribe of Juhayna, and we came upon the people in the morning at their springs. A man of the Ansar and I overtook one of their men. When we descended on him, he said, 'There is no god but Allah.' The Ansari held back from him, but I stabbed him with my spear until I had killed him. When we arrived in Madina, that reached the Prophet and he said, 'O Usama, did you kill him after he had said, "There is no god but Allah"?' I said, 'Messenger of Allah, he was only trying to save himself.' He said, 'Did you kill him after he had said, "There is no god but Allah"?' He continued to repeat it to me until I wished that I had not become Muslim until that day." [Agreed upon]

     In one variant, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'Did he say, "There is no god but Allah" and yet you still killed him?' I said, 'Messenger of Allah, he only said it out of fear of our weapons.' He said, 'Did you then split open his heart so that you know whether he truly meant it when he said it or not?' He continued to repeat it until I wished that I had only become Muslim on that day." [Agreed upom]

   Another valuable source to gain insight on judgement of character are the Sahabas (RA) whom after the passing of the prophet (peace be upon him), were left with no indication of the intentions of others from Allah. To understand the way they lived their days sheds light on the manner in which they were harsh on themselves and their own intentions first and foremost, and how they struggled to match up to the prophet (peace be upon him). If his companions struggled, then how are we so comfortable?

'Abdullah ibn 'Utba ibn Mas'ud reported that he heard 'Umar ibn al-Khattab say, "Some people were dealt with by the revelation in the time of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. The revelation has ceased. Now we deal with you according to what is clear to us from your actions. If anyone shows us good, we trust him and honour him. We know nothing of his inward. Allah will call him to reckoning in respect of his inward. If anyone shows us evil, we do not trust him and do not believe him, even if he says that his inward is good." [al-Bukhari]


   During the prophet's (peace be upon him) time, there was one man who used to appear drunk to the public in the daytime and the companions at one point wanted to issue him a punishment. The prophet (peace be upon him) addressed them and said "Do not curse him, for I swear by Allah, if you only knew just how very much indeed he loves Allah and His Messenger." 

He then added:

"Do not help Satan against your brother."(Al-Bukhari)

Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima

      

    I wish to find another word besides "beautiful" for this list. I need a word that hasn't been abused and misused. Nowadays, "beautiful" means that woman with the physical appeal of a cartoon barbie. Narrow waist, baby features, long hair and a thin figure. How limiting...

     I need a word that combines adjectives like "glowing", "intriguing", "magnificent", "enchanting", "mesmerizing", "engaging", "captivating", "loving", "endearing", "sensitive", "charming" and "devoted" ... okay you get me. We're not talking about the usual characteristics here. What makes a woman sparkle from the rest? So I set to figure this out driving inspiration from the great women who lived among the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and from the prophet himself, from women around me and from my deepest desires in who I aspire to become. We could easily touch on elements such as confidence, honesty, respect, care etc... But I wanted to send a very specific list to make the image more vivid and close to home. I also had a hard time ordering these elements. I only did it to make this more engaging but all of them should be incorporated into one description.

   You could argue this list is unachievable or may not reflect who you are as a person. I don't agree with changing for anyone, or any list in this case, either. But perhaps we can make our own interpretation of this list according to our desires and to suit our personalities. What limits us from our potential is most of the time, ourselves. There's a voice inside of us that tells us we're not good enough or that this is not something for me. But remember, that this is the same method employed by Shaitan (the devil). The moment we decide to leave our bad habits and seek greater closeness to Allah (subhanahu w ta'laa), he tells us we're hypocrites and this is not who we really are. Allah, the All Mighty can forgive and give us a second chance, so why don't we do ourselves the favor by forgiving ourselves and starting anew. They say "fake it till you make it", I heard a TEDX speaker say "fake it till you be it".

Here's my list to describe the elements of the golden lady:

10. Smiles with her eyes:

      Is animated with honest facial expression. Psychology tells us the truth is in the eyes. A smiling woman whose eyes say more than her words has an appeal like no other. A woman whose expressions in general are a true indication of her feelings has a charisma and charm about her that can't be faked. If you can't get yourself to smile in everyone's face in this manner then you don't have to. If you don't feel it, don't express it. But if you do, make it known.

9.  Is clever and witty:

     Has a sharp tongue that speaks on point. But never in intention of hurting anyone. This woman knows the value of time and uses words from her lexicon to speak truth and righteousness  She is never "chatty" and trying constantly to fill silence with talk. Added bonus if she's spontaneous and unpredictable.

    Bukhari narrated a Hadith in which Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said ‘The Prophet’s talk [was so little] that you can count his words’ (peace be upon him)

8. Has an element of mystery:

    She always leaves people guessing. Not intentionally or anything. But perhaps because she has a clear barrier set between what is personal and what is public. With social media, she never reveals inappropriate information about her relationships, feelings and desires. She has an appreciation for artistic expression and she may have some hidden talents. Basically, with every sit-down with this woman, comes new discoveries. Never in a boastful manner.

7. Says what she feels and never exaggerates:

    Says only what her heart senses. Won't say "I love you" when she doesn't feel it and will vice versa express, the moment of, whenever she appreciates something. A woman who can honestly compliment others without exaggeration and in private as well as public demands respect. There is nothing more irritating than when intentions are hidden and the person in front of you cannot be read. But before we go pointing fingers, we have to acknowledge our faults first and where we can go about being more honest. 

6. Does not seek validation:

    Other people's approval does not effect her opinion of herself. Is motivated by her devotion to Allah and acts according to what is permissible in her religion first, then consults herself and maybe her dear friends and family. When she seeks to accomplish something, does it fearlessly and waits for no one to pat her on the back. Her reward (ajr) lies with Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa). Validation for other things that are physical are insignificant to her self-concept. If she's a physically attractive lady, will not let anyone's compliments sway her from differentiating herself from the rest and losing sight of her humanity.

    

5. An effective communicator:

   A smart woman is able to adjust her language to suit whomever she in communicating with.   Meaning she can speak and behave with others on a relatable level without sacrificing any of her core values or personality characteristics. The prophet (peace be upon him) was able to communicate with all age groups at their level, but never in a patronizing manner. It can be as simple as choosing speaking points that are interesting to the other. The prophet (peace be upon him) used to ask Abu Umair, who was a young boy at the time, about his bird every time they would meet. There's nothing more beautiful than a woman who can have the easiness of a child when she is in their company.

  “He (PBUH) was merciful to children; Anas said, “I have never seen anyone kinder to one’s family than God’s Messenger…” There was a young child called Abu Umair who was breeding a small bird; the Prophet called the bird An-Nughair (nightingale) and he used to say to him: “O Abu Umair!  What did An-Nughair do?”  Once, Abu Umair was crying and the Prophet asked him why he was crying. He told the Prophet that An-Nughair, the bird, had died!  The Prophet (PBUH) played with Abu Umair in Medina streets. Passing by, the Companions saw the Prophet playing with a child and asked what he was doing!  He (PBUH) said that An-Nughair had died; he wanted to console Abu Umair.  He played with Abu Umair who was grieiving over his bird’s death!  Abu Umair was the brother of Anas ibn Malik, the Prophet’s servant!  He (PBUH) went to his servant’ house to console his younger brother!  How merciful!”

4. Confidence in core values:

   Confidence is always key. Yet, it does not have to be present in every aspect of our personality traits. A woman who has confidence in her core values and morals and does nothing to compromise them demands respect. She never makes exceptions on matters that are not permissible in her faith. This seems quite intuitive yet it is more difficult than it seems. For a woman to be consistent in her behavior and treatment with everyone, she must possess a strong sense of self and an independent mind. Our confidence should be made with trust in Allah. The more we trust our Islam and come to appreciate it, the more we realize we have nothing to gain from pleasing others and only from pleasing Allah.

3.Willingness to learn:

    Oftentimes, we become so entrenched in our own "fields of specialty" we lose sight of how much out there we have yet to learn. This can lead to rigidity, stubbornness and sometimes arrogance. A woman who is willing to learn from others who are more and less experienced than she is has something special about her. She can watch her husband, for example, spend hours putting together furniture she is familiar with only to give him hints here and there. She does not need to boast about her knowledge and yet is able to give it when she is needed.  Which reminds me of another example. That thirty year old unmarried professional woman who's got a degree and a job and thinks "men are intimidated by her" or that "she's out of their league". Perhaps we need a new sense of open mindedness and we need to learn how to share knowledge at the appropriate time. 

2. Secret worship:

   Wears her iman on her sleeve, not her tongue. I think that makes my point.

1. Modesty:

   Lack of modesty can break anyone. The ego creeps up on us quite often. I don't believe that there is ever one point in someone's life where they can confidently say that they are a modest person. It is a characteristic that takes consistent work to maintain. We must put ourselves in the shoes of those we meet on a daily basis and ask "did I make them feel less than?" Arrogance in Islam is defined as rejecting the truth and putting oneself at a higher position than the rest.

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “No one who has the weight of a mustard seed of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.” Someone said, “Indeed, a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes.” So the Prophet said, “Verily, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people.”

   A mustard seed?! That could be one look down on your mother, or a child, or a homeless person or a disabled individual. It would be a shame to come so close to the doors of heaven only to have them shut in front of you because you believed once that you were better than anyone else. Keep in mind that arrogance does not pertain to one's dress. Although the prophet (peace be upon him) used to be indistinguishable from the companions that even foreigners had a hard time locating him. 

But, how do we become nonjudgmental and more modest? 

   During the prophet's (peace be upon him) time, there was one man who used to appear drunk to the public in the daytime and the companions at one point wanted to issue him a punishment. The prophet (peace be upon him) addressed them and said "Do not curse him, for I swear by Allah, if you only knew just how very much indeed he loves Allah and His Messenger." 

He then added:

"Do not help Satan against your brother."(Al-Bukhari)

  Let us realize that Allah's mercy is vast and never ending. Only He has the power to conceal our faults and forgive us on the day of judgement. Some of us who judge others for sinning have put themselves at a high status, thinking that they are fairer than Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa). When we judge, we judge others for their exposed sins while we ourselves have hidden sins that would shame us if they were to ever be exposed to the world. Always thank Allah for his mercy on us and always have mercy on others. Leave the judging to Him.

Top 10 Elements of a Charming Muslim Man

              Olivier Blaise

 Yup, I went there...

  This is a blog. You can take it with a grain of salt, or you can take it and run.

   This next list is not "Top 10 desirable traits in a husband" or "Top 10 traits that attract women", it's a list brought up after consulting many young women and taking inspiration from the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that tries to dissect elements of that charming man with a special presence about him. Charming, not prince Charming that is, but as in someone who can be described with adjectives such as "noble", "sharp", "gentle","considerate","engaging" ,"devoted", "thoughtful" and many more of that category. All of these traits fit into one mysterious code that was difficult for us to decipher since we understood the vibe that came with this type of individual and agreed on it, but had a hard time deciding what the basic elements of that vibe was. You will find overlap in this list with the "Top 10 elements of a beautiful Muslima" list. You will also find this list applicable to women as well. That's because we believe character building is independent of gender. Nevertheless, this list is more specifically directed towards men (from young women's perspective) only because that way it can be most relatable and realistic.

  What you'll be surprised to know is that these elements are not physical in nature. Even elements like humour and confidence are not included. Some things are a matter of personality differences and thus we didn't think could be basic elements. We all agreed on material success and physical attractiveness as hardly an indicator of this vibe we spoke of. We tried to dissect elements of particular men who stood out in character to us. The ordering is not nearly as important as the full incorporation of all the elements.

Here's our list of top 10 elements of a charming Muslim man:

10. Not afraid to smile:

   His smile nearly never leaves his face and it's directed to everyone. Not in a creepy way or anything. But in a compassionate way to young and elderly alike. A smile is a symbolic act of vulnerability because it often calls for reciprocation which can be an intimidating and scary thought so we avoid it sometimes. But that's why it's charity and this man knows this very well and isn't afraid of being vulnerable or appearing "feminine" to others because his smiles and salams are first and foremost, directed to Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa).

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "When you smile to your brother's face, it is charity."

9. Understands the significance of language:

  Knows the power of language on others and chooses persuasion over assertion of opinion. Does not need to use foul language to make a point either. Speaks on point and is articulate.

  Persuasion was a fundamental tool that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to correct his companions’ mistakes. It is reported that a man from Banu Fazarah came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: 'My wife has given birth to a black boy' - and he wanted to disown him. He said:

         'Do you have camels?'

         He said: 'Yes.'

         Prophet (pbuh) said: 'What color are they?'

         He said: 'Red.'

         Prophet (pbuh): 'Are there any gray ones among them?

         He said: 'There are some gray camels among them.'

         Prophet (pbuh): 'Why is that do you think?'

         He said: 'Perhaps it is hereditary.'

         Prophet (pbuh): 'Perhaps this is hereditary.' And he did not permit him to disown him. (An-Nasa’i)

  What I find fascinating in this particular example is the method in which the prophet (pbuh) chose to relay this piece of information. He issued questions which gave the man a sense of control and asked for his opinion regarding the matter with "why is that do you think?" He also mirrored the words of the man saying "perhaps this is hereditary" which gives a sense of relatedness and results in effective persuasion. Also, using the word "perhaps" keeps the issue open to discussion. No mind games here. Since the prophet (pbuh) could have easily given him a one sentence response and there could have been nothing wrong with that. But he was gentle subhanallah and knew the power of language on others.

8. Is generous:

   Relax. No one's talking about your wallet. Although these times are tough on all of us and those who are able to give zakat have their reward with Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa). Generosity lies with one's ability to give time and effort to others' concerns or needs. A man who is willing to sacrifice from what he has in time, wealth and energy into others for the sake of Allah and not for his own egocentric desires naturally possesses a vibe of positive energy that drives people to want his company. Oftentimes, we confuse our intentions and perhaps without realizing it, carry out favors for others or share our knowledge in the pursuit of appearing in a good light. The way to know whether you fall into that category is to ask yourself of how often you help out someone in need or share knowledge when it is of inconvenience to you. And when no one is watching.

 "Never will you attain the good [reward] until you spend [in the way of Allaah] from that which you love..."[Quran 3: 92]     

Narrarated Abdullah bin Umar: Allah Apostle (Prophet Muhammad pbuh) said, "a Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection." (Sahih Bukhari)

7. Comfortable with expressing his feminine side:

    Is comfortable enough with his character to know that possessing traits or asserting behavior typically ascribed to women does not make him less of a man. Because his manhood is not tied to gender stereotypes.

   The Prophet's beloved wife, A'ishah, said of her selfless husband :

"He always joined in household chores and would at times mend his clothes, repair his shoes and sweep the floor. He would milk, tether and feed his animals."(Bukhari)

6. Has little to hide:

   A man who doesn't have a wall up on display is quite comfortable with his faults as well as his merits. He does not mask his true feelings in order to appear masculine and is a transparent honest communicator. Recognizing one's insecurities and being confident expressing vulnerability has an appeal like nothing else. This is not about revealing everything because there are some things which should stay private between you and Allah (subhanu w ta'laa). But it's about acknowledging it exists and not being ashamed of these flaws and being open to working on ourselves for the sake of Allah that matters. Not anyone's opinion.

Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May allah be pleased with him) related, `A man came to the Prophet and said: `O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did you not keep your secret?' [Sahih Muslim]

 This man came to the prophet (peace be upon him) with an embarrassing fact that he was ashamed of. However, he had enough taqwa and fear of Allah to expose this secret in order to get a shot at repentance and to figure out the truth and the punishment for his actions. We find out later that this act in itself was unnecessary, but seeing this man put Allah's judgement first and foremost before his reputation and ego says something.

It was narrated that Aslam, the freed slave of 'Umar ibn al-

Khattab (4^,) said: "Some merchants came to Madeenah and camped

in the prayer-place. 'Umar said to 'Abdur-Rahman ibn 'Awf, 'Shall

we go and guard them tonight?' He said, 'Yes.' So they guarded them

overnight. They prayed and 'Umar heard a child crying. He went

towards him and said to his mother, 'Fear Allah and look after your

child.' Then he went back to his place. At the end of the night, he

heard the child crying again, so he went to his mother and said to her,

'Woe to you, what a bad mother you are! Why has your child not

stopped crying all night?' She said, 'O' slave of Allah, I am

distracting him from nursing but he refuses to accept that.' He said,

'Why?' She said, 'Because 'Umar does not give a stipend except to

children who are weaned.' 'Umar had allocated a stipend to every

child who was weaned. He said, 'How old is this son of yours?' She

said, 'So many months.' He said, 'Woe to you, do not hasten to wean

him.' When he prayed Fajr, the people could not hear his recitation

clearly because of his weeping. He said, 'Woe, to 'Umar, how many

of the Muslims' children has he killed?' Then he ordered a caller to

cry out: 'Do not hasten to wean your children, for we will give a

stipend to every child bom in Islam, ' and he wrote instructions to that

effect to all regions."

  Notice the transparent nature of Umar Ibn AlKhattab who was known for his strength yet was sensitive to other's needs and did not let his reputation mask his true feelings. His ability to admit his mistakes is also inspiring.

5. Practices gentleness:

 

   Practices gentleness with women, elderly and children. It quite easy for people to figure out who's doing it for show and who really means it. But at the end of the day, your intention is yours and other people's opinions shouldn't effect your treatment.

   

 

Whenever the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) passed by children, he tried to be the first to greet them and say “Assalaamu Alaikum.” When riding he would let children sit on his camel or donkey. 

In some prayers, the Prophet (peace be upon him) read long Surahs. But if he heard a baby crying, he would read a short Surah and say a short prayer.

Prophet (peace be upon him) used to teach children that failure doesn't exist. Narrated Anas: "I served The Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, "Uf" (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying,"Why did you do so or why didn't you do so?" (Sahih Albukhari)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) loved to play with children. He made them stand in a straight line, then he himself stood at a distance, spread his hands and told the children, “Come running to me. Whoever touches me first will get a prize,” they would all come, running and breathless. When they reached the Prophet (peace be upon him), they would fall all over him. He enjoyed this sport, gave prizes of dates and sweets to the winners and hugged and kissed the participants.

4. Grounded belief:

   Muslim men do not necessarily need to have an indicator of their religion in their dress. While many sisters would argue that this is easier on them, it comes with its own disadvantages. A Muslim woman can wear a higab and a long dress and in this way becomes a symbol of Islam to the public and her behavior can oftentimes be associated with her religion whether or not this is the case. This makes issues such as gender relations for example much easier for her since men know not to shake her hand or make inappropriate gestures towards her. I say this because a Muslim man may have a harder time asserting his beliefs and integrating them into his lifestyle. The key solution to this issue is consistency. A man who has confidence in his core beliefs and is consistent in his treatment and behaviour, regardless of who he encounters, wears his Islam on his sleeve and that becomes his label.

3. Knows when to be dominant and when to relinquish control:

    This point is very similar to number 3 in the "Top 10 elements of a beautiful Muslima". It also means taking some matters with a sense of ease and flexibility. Being ready to take control when you are needed and when circumstances ask for your assistance is a great thing to have. It's also pretty awesome if a man also knows when to relinquish control and let others try things on their own. Even when deep down inside, he knows he's a better fit for the job. This is very much related to number 1, but don't peek just yet.

2. Passion and thirst for knowledge:

    Now is my chance to bust a myth running around. Some may assume that the degree/career of an individual is a direct indication of their character. So one with a more prestigious degree is perceived as more competent or eligible in the eyes of others. That's actually not the case. All of  the women I spoke to agreed on this. A degree is nice to have under your belt for your future and for financial purposes. But the "charming" man we speak of won't be made with a degree. That secret ingredient is passion. Passion to take on a meaningful purpose with a goal in mind. Ultimately the goal must be oriented towards serving Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa) and we agree on getting married, having a career and starting a family as not falling under the passion category. A man who has a selfless passion wants to leave behind something in this life for future generations and is willing to go as far as sacrificing his lifetime for this passion. He also has no time for senseless drama and how he is perceived by society. He has a vibe of focused positive energy and he brings this energy into his family. Passion must come with a thirst for knowledge as well. This man reads books. The Quran being his number one book.

“Read! In the Name of your Lord Who has created (all that exists).

He has created man from a clot (a piece of thick coagulated blood).

Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous.

Who has taught (the writing) by the pen.

He has taught man that which he knew not”

[al-‘Alaq 96:1-5] 

“It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allah”

[Faatir 35:28] 

 The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When a man dies, all his deeds come to an end except for three – an ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a righteous son who will pray for him.” (Muslim)

1. Modesty: 

  Arrogance can kill any character. So it's our number one. To add to the point from the previous list, modesty can mean taking time to listen with the heart. The prophet (peace be upon him) used to direct his whole body towards who was speaking to him and would not turn his face away or leave the meeting before the other did. How many times in our life did we kneel down for a child, look him in the eye and let him speak? 

 Arrogance can come in unexpected forms. For example, a woman visits her friend's modest home and begins bragging about the thousands of dollars she spent on her wedding. That is one indirect way of expressing arrogance. It's always important to be mindful of the person we are speaking to as much as possible.

  In surat elkahf, it tells a story of a man who Allah has blessed with green fields and good fortune in which one of them stated that it would never perish. This is arrogance towards Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa) which was labeled as shirk when he put himself and his fortune before Allah's might. The story of the prophet Musa (Alayhi asslam) and Al-Khidr also teaches us about never being too sure and too proud in the face of Allah.

“Musa said to him (Khidr): “May I follow you so that you teach me something of that knowledge (guidance and true path) which you have been taught (by Allah)? But no one knows its true meanings except Allah” (Alkahf, 18:66)